sure i will message you then

how to find the balance?

its been months since i am depressed, i do going outside occasionally, but the street around me is not even healthy because its dirty and lot of cars passing around or even park like they own their land here.

i am indeed depressed, i even need medication to deal with it.

exactly this is so true, i really hate how random life is. if only life is fair enough to always reward nice person, then that will be utopia.

as example i contribute like listen and help giving advice to their problems, being as friendly as much as possible too and never triggers fight or conflict whatsoever but then one day, i am no longer able to as helpful as i am before and those ppl decided to ghosted me.

yeah must be suck when you decided to retire and life decided that you are not allowed to.

i already make sure that i am being as nice and friendly as possible but yet those “friends” still ghosted me

so basically if you are guaranteed to get lucky and rich, basically having easy mode by become evil, you still choose to become nice and honest person?

tbh what i want is become rich, succesful, lucky, have many friends, healthy, and have no problems in life, literally living in easy mode and so far being nice for me doesnt give me those thing i want.

yeah i dont feel that unfortunately, i feel that is wasted time and energy tbh. i doubt world is softer place, in fact i feel it getting harder.

i spent some time and energy to help them, yet what i got is taken advantage of. those time and energy can be used for something else.

doesnt work for me, it actually triggers my anxiety much more.

What happened? I hope you don’t live in Palestine.

i am not from palestine, but lot of bad things happened to me this year, including lost 4 years worth buisiness, third burn degree on both of my hand because of hospital malpractice, diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, even a lizard decided to drop on my body when i was going to toilet.

What happened?

i tried to approached some people, be as friendly as possible, then get ignored

This will keep on happening if you live the US.
it also happens in asia too.

What happened?

i done lot of hardwork and being as nice as possible, but certain platform decided to take advantage of me and i am taking loss in the end.

But again, what happened?

one of them is i am being honest that life is not always about getting married, have kids, etc, but lot of people hate and think its coward mindset.

Therapy exists because medicine for your ailment doesn’t yet.

and theraphy itself doesnt too

nah i dont want to waste any more money and time for theraphy, i prefer to treat it myself as much as possible.

i still doubt that “they are much more likely to help you back” when i done plenty of right thing yet either much more likely betrayed or taken advantage of.

i cannot understand being kind as its own reward, even people that donates and helps people in the street do monetize their content to get rewarded in form of attention and money which is another result

yeah i just hate it when disaster happened on innocent people and i do invest yet inflation is just too high. life is just that bad.

thanks, lot of stuff happened to me, so its actually really hard to stay being nice person and i just hope that its better in the future.

video games often based from visual representation of real life so i am not suprised

unfortunately there is limit for it, i am already at the point i am so tired of being nice.