Thank you for this lengthy reply ! Yes, I do have social anxiety. I do try to break it many times but inherently it is there. Without a very good reason, I will keep it in the comfort zone ( lazyness + anxiety , I guess ).

I may need a set of friends who are not judgemental.

Yes, I do small talk.

Sometimes I want to continue that relation. But, most times 1. I dont remember their face or parts of the talk 2. I just dont actively think about continuing ( Its like I have to put a remainder on that talk - quite dumb ? ) 3. They might be disinterested in the next time ( partly, I believe of silly way of expressing things )

Thanks, that consistency is what I am missing . I used to write notes. But what-if-others-see-my-silly-notes feeling also there.

Thanks, I do have curiosity about learning like most persons I know.

What kills my curiosity are :

1. Too much basics to learn
2. Inconsistency/Lazy zone/Comfort zone
3. Family/Kids

Its like most people’s attitude ( If I am in that better place/position , I will learn more. In current place, I have to take more effort so I wont try at all ! ). So, thats a part of my dumbness .

Yeah, most people are. Some have the luxury of not thinking of it or have lower self expectations.

Edit : Listening to rattle my cage :)

Ok. Any online courses or videos you recommend