This happens in Germany.
Work culture doesn’t fit my personality: I don’t talk much, I keep to myself, I simply want to do my job and go home, I separate my personal life from work, my colleagues are full fledged gossips, ignore the duties that need to be done and then expect me to help them when they are late. I don’t have patience for that crap anymore.
Due to internal regulations, I have to stay on the unit for 4 weeks after sending my notice. Answering honestly the question of why I’m quitting would ensure that they yell at me and bully me, and I don’t want to experience that again. Even saying ‘it’s none of your business’ ensures that they feel insulted and start yelling. I have decided I don’t have patience for people like that anymore.
So, what do I say?
Start telling a long and rambling story that in no way relates. Keep talking until interrupted.
Interrupt yourself with explanations that jump from place to place on the timeline of events but doesn’t help the story in the slightest. “It all began with (insignificant event) back in (month and year). We were supposed to be doing (work task with too detailed of an explanation), but (coworker) started talking to us about (current event at the time, explain in too much detail). Then (I/family member/friend) got COVID about a week or so later. I think they probably got it from not wearing a mask at (event). (Explain all the COVID precautions and conspiracies and left vs right politics).”
People who talk like that exist and I have to work with them on my team. They have been to, I think, a psychiatric hospital multiple times too.
I’ve quit a toxic workplace before - I just said “it’s a bad commute”. Nobody can really pick at that reasoning since everyone has way too many personal variables for commutes (even from adjacent houses) to be comprable.
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Help me formulate the dullest response to colleagues
Now if there was ever a job for an LLM like ChatGPT, this is it
I asked llama2.ai and this is what it said.
The suggestions sound… generic. I guess that’s the point.
- Keep it simple: • “I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on to new opportunities. I’m excited about what the future holds.” • “I’m leaving for personal reasons, but I’m grateful for the experience I’ve gained here.”
- Emphasize positivity: • “I’ve learned so much during my time here, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have worked with such a great team.” • “I’ve really enjoyed my time at this company, and I’m going to miss working with you all.”
- Offer support during the transition: • “I want to make sure that everything runs smoothly during the transition. Is there anything specific you’d like me to focus on in my remaining time here?” • “I’m happy to help with training or knowledge transfer in any way I can. Just let me know what you need.”
“I got an offer I couldn’t refuse.” and leave it at that! The offer might as well be just ‘not having to deal with you guys anymore’.
Just say, “I don’t feel passionate about this work and I want to look for something that I find more fulfilling.”
“You! You’re the reason I’m quitting. Yeah, you’re just kind of a shithead, you never do anything, you just kinda run your mouth all day long and I can’t fucking stand it. Like an unbuttered piece of toast thinking it’s interesting…”
