No problem.
I’ll add one other thing: Others have mentioned couples therapy. This is a great idea. Even if the relationship is already over, worst case scenario is they both gain some insight into their own toxic behavioural patterns to make their next relationship better.
I do think it would be more difficult ting if it was a sinister tetrahedron, the most evil of shapes.
No one teaches you how to have a relationship. So people just kind of default into patterns that are often toxic.
It’s why taking a step back and being deliberate about how to communicate is so important. There needs to be a shared understanding and deliberateness about how to intentionally communicate.
And it needs to be something that applies equally to everyone involved. No copouts, no special circumstances that only go one way, there need to be firm, hard rules with specific consequences that apply evenly to all involved that are arrived at communally, and not unilaterally.
It takes two to tango.
The defensive lashing out type stuff happens because he hasn’t established firm boundaries around it. And she’s probably lashing out about stuff because… Well. Doesn’t matter, really.
There need to be firm boundaries about how to have a discussion that apply evenly to both of them. Both of them need to buy into these rules. When the lines are crossed the discussion ends.
This isn’t about shutting down a discussion but having the awareness to recognize constructive versus destructive discussions.
Setting reasonable, adult boundaries and rules, sticking to them, and establishing that certain behaviours are problematic are the only way this gets better.
If she’s unable to recognize her own defensiven ss as a problem and work on it all of this falls apart but having the framework in place will allow transparency into the why of it.
My religion is “keep your religion dar the fuck away from me”.
I believe in freedom from religion even more strongly than of religion
The thing in this post about curiosity isn’t just a lemmy/online thing.
The vast majority of people are mainly interested in themselves. Like - if you have trouble on dates, making friends, getting along at work, anything to do with people in general - approaching them with a sense of sincere curiosity will completely change things overnight.
Get people to talk about themselves, be supportive in your discussions with them, and shut the fuck up wherever possible and suddenly you’re interesting, a good person, kind, whatever - traits you’ve done exactly fuck all to demonstrate, but that people will swear are true because you seem interested in them.
It’s fucking bonkers but it’s true. Curiosity can change your world.
Because some of them, and their associated email accountsz hadn’t been used in years.
And there is nothing linking any of the emails / accounts except my.phone number.
Five email accounts, 20 odd reddit accounts. I’ve only used one account / email for the past year. And that’s from a PC / phone that were new around that time
I agree with you on 1. I hope it never fucking changes. The worst thing that could happen is we get the critical mass of dipshits that turns every online service into a fucking shit tornado.
I was recently banned from reddit.
On all my accounts.
Across four email addresses.
Simultaneously.
Many of which haven’t been used in months. Years in some cases.
So - banned on one account linked to one address. Accounts linked to four other email addresses were banned. None of those accounts have been logged into from any device the account I got banned from was being used on.
The emails are linked to my phone number though.
So. Two steps ahead of you. But. They are either using some kind of NLP to identify the way I write. Or google is sharing that the accounts are linked to my phone number.
Anyway. Reddit can fuck right off. And I’ll be buying a burner phone with cash to make some accounts soon.
And if you are?
They hate porn.
I love Satan. So much. He sure is cooler than that fucking cunt Jesus.
I don’t like driving…
I don’t need to drive
Owning a car is stupidly expensive. And its an expense I don’t need to pay.
Cars make people lazy and entitled and create divisions between them. When you’re driving you’re not around other people like you would be on public transit. They’re bothered.
People.would be okay by getting fucked to death with a splintery rake if apple charged $999.99 for it.
Happy to report that the 555 beta still just gives me a black screen before rebooting the computer. Though after a few attempts it did display some garbled Greg shit.
Like. I can’t even rub Wayland on my 4090. Its a black screen. This happens with manjaro kde. With mint I can at least see my (frozen, unresponsive, unusable) desktop.
This all sounds cool and stuff but I kind of wish people would, like, shut the fuck up about Wayland? My understanding is that NY experience.is far from unique. People that own PCs have nvidia cards. Unless “the year of the Linux desktop” involves everyone vaporating anmd cards that magically have cuda cores somehow out of their asses then nothing about Wayland really matters to us.
You can “get an and” card to me all you want, but here’s the thing: I don’t fucking want one. I use my cuda cores. Its why I spent as much as I did on a 4090.
I guess 555 is supposed to make Wayland work with nvidia?
I mean, look. Using an nvidia card with Linux, and getting the requisite drivers working, can be am experience akin to having your has deferens ripped out by an aging badger. I get it. But until I can nvidia while I Wayland I just don’t care. And I’m not alone.
There’s thee things wrong with "please think of the children: 1. They’re not really asking 2. They don’t want you to think 3. It has nothing to do with the children.
I use bing for porn. Its great for porn.
Well played. You win. This round.